Thanksgiving, this time my mom outdid herself. There were about 12 of us, family and friends, but she prepared enough food to feed 7 armies. I still have another 3 weeks to go before I can eat something again. But I’m beyond grateful to have one of the coolest moms the earth has ever seen.
My sister named my niece Lorraine after some great grandmother of ours, but we all call her Rainy. Rainy is 5 years old, and she fights dirty. She’s already been kicked out of 11 schools for being unruly, rambunctious, disobedient and a smart ass. I’m proud to know that she takes after me. Often she’ll like to surprise you with a punch in the back and then she’ll turn and run so you’ll chase her. We’ve learned our lesson that the nicer and quieter the restaurant is the more she enjoys playing the game “how to make the biggest disturbance humanly possible”, usually involves animal noises.
But this Thanksgiving, we just discovered what will make her stay quiet in her seat.
Rainy had a school Thanksgiving arts and craft project to list what she’s thankful for. She is to number her answers 1-5 and roll up the art paper with a nice ribbon around it. Well my mom silenced all 12 of us at the table as we are to listen to what Rainy is thankful for. Rainy removed the ribbon, unrolled the paper, stared at it and for once was silent. We’re all staring at her and waiting, then everyone starts pushing her, “Come on Rainy, read it to us” “Ok Rainy, let’s do it together, I am thankful for…” “Rainy, tell me, what are you thankful for?” Wouldn’t open her mouth, just stared back at us blankly. No high energy, she was frozen. Odd, I thought, until I took the paper from her and read it…
The world has come to an end.
Civilization as we know it is over. And all 50,000 survivors came out to the desert to celebrate with the biggest party the human species has ever seen. That’s what Burning Man feels like. The rules and social norms you’ve lived with all your life don’t apply in this city. Black Rock City. The most amazing city on the planet that exists for only one week each year and then disappears without trace. Leaving 200 square miles of endless dust blowing over dry earth in the extreme weather without any sign of life. Nothing lives on the playa, not even spiders or scorpions or ants. Until next year…
[photo gallery and videos below after the break]
Oh, I love Onion News! This 911 call is epic
This is giving me nightmares of my sister, but still, this is great:
(note: I wrote this a year and a half ago at the end of 2008. Hope this will give you insight into how I normally deal with massive conflicts in business, by confronting issues head on, finding common ground, not getting defensive, and taking real genuine action beyond words.)
So last month I rented out my house to a Hollywood promoter who threw an insane party with over 350 people. The party was more elaborate than anything I ever threw. There was a platform with hot girls go-go dancing under a rack of lights beaming a spectrum through the fog. Cool effect, and everyone was having a great time, telling me it’s the best party they’ve ever been to. But it was hard for me to walk around knowing maybe 5% of the people, feeling like I’m in some Hollywood club, only it’s my house, filled way beyond capacity, those are my tables and couches they are spilling their drinks over, these drunk assholes are fucking with MY things.
So anyway, the party seriously pissed off some of my neighbors. I’m probably 1/3 the age of the youngest people that live on this quiet street in Bel Air. I guess they’re not into loud crazy Hollywood parties, and so in the morning I got this email threatening cops if I do it again: Continue Reading >>
My parents divorced over 2 years ago. Probably for the best. They weren’t getting along too well, and their 3 kids already left the house years before. My dad is not always a ray of sunshine. A tough guy who’s done exceptionally well for himself (especially considering he came from absolutely nothing) but often very difficult to deal with. My mom on the other hand is the sweetest lady on the planet. Always smiling, positive, very warm and easy for anyone to get along with. My whole life, I always hear about what a cool mom I have, and I guess I’m fucking lucky; therapist offices around the country are filled with people complaining about their mothers. Yeah, there were a couple incidents when I was little and pushed her buttons until the woman lost it with me, but I have no right to complain. She’s always been very supportive, and she’s my biggest fan, bragging about me to anyone who will listen. So I get protective when something hurts her.
When my parents split, she was sad and hurt. She started leaning on me a lot more, always wanting me to join her for dinner or a movie. I knew that if I didn’t come see her she’d just sit and play solitaire on the computer all night. I could not let it go on like this. And so I told her, “Mom, I’m putting you on the internet for dating.” She protested, saying she’s not ready for that right now. I didn’t care, I went to her computer, found a decent picture of her, uploaded it on Jdate, and announced my mom to the world of retired old jewish guys. “Now Mom, write a description of yourself”. Well, she’ll have to write that herself, I do have my limits. “Now Mom, go on a bunch of dates, meet people and have fun”.
After all, she’s a hot commodity on the market. Continue Reading >>